You know what I wanna do to three friendly, oh-so-concerned-about-the-crime-rates souls?

First I’d like to stab their throats so only they can hear their fears.

Then I’d slash the back of their knees so they know what it’s like to be at another’s mercy.

Followed by slices of their dirty fingers for contaminating my fucking money and my fucking skin and someone else’s skin. Before I give them karma the Arab way.

“Tegas…”

A slow, sensual, fulfilling piercing. With your basic corkscrew.

One bloody eyeball. One open mouth of gurgling horror.

“…adil…”

Another; his comrade’s. They could have been in the choir.

“…berhemah.”

The last accomplice’s. Again, just one. They could all use an eye patch.

If they feel like it, that is. Or if they have time to find one.

.

And I’ll make sure that the last thing they see is the badge on their caps.

Royal badge, my ass.

Upon my return from Bushland, I was thinking that a political reform in BNland also meant a reform in civic consciousness. In other words, I was hopeful that Bodoland is now only a legend.

But I counted my eggs too soon. For last Tuesday at Cold Storage Suria KLCC showed me otherwise…

Me: Excuse me. I bought these cookies about 20 minutes ago and I would like to return them for a refund. [gestures towards receipt that announced "perishable goods are refundable within 2 days. Non-perishable goods are refundable within 7 days."]

TudungGirl: Um, why, what is wrong?

Me: Nothing. I just changed my mind and would like my money back. I did not open these bags.

TudungGirl: Um, sorry, but we cannot allow that. You have to take something else.

Me: Excuse me wtf?

TudungGirl: Um, hold on.

Me: …U dun understan my Amedika issit

TudungGirl: [hollers to the counter next to TudungGirl's] Bang (or something)!

Bang: Ape? (What?)

TudungGirl: Die nak bagi balik ni. Tak boleh kan? (She wants to give back. Kenot, rite?)

Bang: Kenape die nak bagi balik? (Why she wan to give back?)

TudungGirl: [looks at me] Why do you want to return?

Me: I just changed my mind. I need the cash.

TudungGirl: Die kate die lepas beli tak nak ni. Nak wang die balik. (She say after she buy, she dowan. She wan her money back.)

Bang: [frowns and walks over after 5 seconds] What’s wrong, miss?

Me: First of all, did you know that in the States they call me ma’am, not miss, you rude fuck I bought these cookies twenty minutes ago and I would like to return them for a refund.

Bang: Is there anything faulty with them?

Me: No, I did not open them. I just changed my mind. I really need the cash back. And according to your receipt, apparently perishable goods are refundable within two days.

Bang: [stares at Me for 2 seconds and turns towards stupidTudungGirl] Pergi carik Manager.

TudungGirl: [nods and trots off to a nearby storage room or something similar]

Me: …At least Bush wouldn’t let this happen.

[5 long minutes later. The Bang left.]

TudungGirl: Miss, I’m sorry, but we cannot let you take your money back.

Me: Excuse me?

TudungGirl: You can take something else with the price.

Me: Take something else?

TudungGirl: Yes. You can take something else to have your money back.

Me: Why would I want to take something else? I just want to have my money back. I’m returning your goods here which are unspoiled and according to your receipt I can have my money back.

TudungGirl: Actually, no, we don’t allow that. My Manager say kenot.

Me: [torn between wanting to see the sohai MIA presumably diplomatic Manager and forgetting about it and rushing to next appointment] …Why cannot? I’m here for a refund like what your receipt allows me to get.

TudungGirl: [shakes head] We cannot give you your money back. It’s our policy. You have to take something else.

Me: [fed up] What if I were to take this (the cheapest of the three bags of American cookies) and ask for the rest back in cash?

TudungGirl: Cannot. You have to take something else that is as same as the price [points at Me's receipt total of RM47++] or more.

Me: Why the fuck would I want something I didn’t intend to buy in the first place And that’s according to who?

TudungGirl: The bossThe Manager.

Me: Do you understand that according to your receipt, I can get my money back?

TudungGirl: Yes.

Me: And I still cannot get my shit back?

TudungGirl: Yes.

Me: [louder voice] Okay, look, I don’t have time for this, but just so you know, as a customer, I am very dissatisfied with (your service). I’m looking for a refund like what your receipt allows, not an exchange. Get a real London teacher, dumbass. Your receipt here is an official statement from your company and what your manager has told you is inofficial (so it’s technically invalid, you dumb fuck). Do you understand?

TudungGirl: Yes.

Me: …People like you only justifies the deserving brain drain the government that Clorex-washed your brains are crying balls about, leaving unlucky, undeserving good folks to deal with the likes of you.

And so the heroine grabbed those god damned cookies and left in a grand fury, leaving her fellow sheep around wondering what was up her foreign ass, as the former was reminded of how company policies in Bodoland are always a Get-Out-of-Jail-Card kind of license for stupidity.

Later on, her friend Frus decided to pop her patriotic bubble further with more local news about sexy Hentai school outfits she was unaware of, which led to her discovery of how an Islamic movie can cause a nation-wide ban of susu Dutchlady. Coincidentally, HereticIndoCina told her how some Muslim sheep from 7-11 asked if he was a Malay or Chinese when he was checking out a susu Dutchlady because “susu ni haram, bang”.

She told him that at this rate, all “Malays” would have their identification cards checked just to be sure that they are not their Chinese, Indians, or Lain-lain fiends whenever they run out of breast milk.

.

(Author’s note: Also, check out Dutchlady Malaysia’s “important announcement.” Instead of saying how such Islamic radicals exist but they do not reflect every Muslim’s worldview, they condemned the film wholeheartedly, regardless of countless news reports and propagandas relating to the terrorism expressed in the film.)

There’s only so little a non-conformist can tolerate with the conforming mold in a traditionalistic family without going insane against personal core values.

Don’t fucking expect me to blindly accept what sounds obtusely narrow-minded in perspective to me, in compliance, thank you.

That’s why I’m scared to talk to her. Always sound so threatening. Must question everything I say.

Oh, really now? Why are you so afraid? I’m merely giving you my relatively peaceful frank opinion on the subject, in a feeble attempt at keeping the discussion more objective than not, not about you per se, you self-absorbed twat.

Maybe I wouldn’t be this scary to you if you’d stop making so many unfounded assumptions and uneducated guesses.

I don’t think this many people should like you.

I’m sorry. You want me to rub some fancy Egyptian salt in? Somehow the majority vote about my amicability is not even influenced by self-promotion like your very effective direct-selling multi-level marketing “network marketing” (or whatever fanciful name like “sales distributor” [a.k.a. salesperson]) attempt. You know what? Feel free to try influencing my 782189243 acquaintances, 4482 friends, and 23 good/best friends about how much of a retarded, narrow-minded, cold bitch your sister is. I’m sure they’ll value the profound opinion of her younger brother.

Also, what happened to all of your “friends”? They became imaginary? And before they became visually transparent (pun. If you have the ability distinguish it at all, or even understand its meaning), how many of them have remembered you each time you return from some faraway land? How many of them even divulge any gossip-worthy secret to you over the entire course of your school life?

I guess, then, there is no need for me to wonder why your only best friend seem to be your manager. Of your new direct-selling job. Of two months.

I just want you to learn from what I’m trying to teach you.

Oh, and why the fuck do I need to learn from a 19-year-old school dropout and social reject who can’t live without his parents’ babying again? Pray tell me. I am oh-so-intrigue by your grand wisdom.

The word ‘compromise’ has never been more profound.

The Cancerian mood is kicking in again. Fun times.

-:~:-

Statistics after being in Malaisie (again) for 11 days:

Being assumed to be a Japanese tourist: 7
Being assumed to be of Korean breed: ∞
Being assumed to be a cancer stick smoker: 3
Being hit on by random fucks: 7
Being hit on by people I didn’t really expect to hit on me: 3
Being asked why-did-you-cut-your-hair-long-hair-better-ma: 15
Being compared to thekinkyblue because of the hair: 1
Being half correctly called having a pixie hair cut: 1
Buying jewelery I didn’t needed: 6
Going to buy more stuff I don’t need: >1
Being treated like someone special from a faraway land: 23
Being accused of having an American accent: 4
Being accused of being a Western tourist who tries to be Malaysian by saying “lah” but takjadi: 2
Retaliating to one of the above accusers by saying that at least my hair colour doesn’t match my yellow t-shirt: 1
Plans made: >25
People met from plans: >15
People met outside of plans: >12
Being accused of being over-booked: 8
Being noticed for being an official hippie convert: 14
Char Kuay Teow-ed: 2
Nasi lemak-ed: 2
Wantan mee-ed: 1
Sarawak noodle-d: 1
Kai fan-ed: 1
Hailam mee-ed: 0.5
Nasi goreng-ed: 2
Ramli burger-ed: 1
Teh tarik-ed: 1
Milo ais-ed: 2
Barley-ed: 3
Bandung ais-ed: 3

Ayam lazy to continue for now. Sleepy.

-:~:-

The US (in general, after an observation of 9 months)
Pros:
1. People with better social etiquette
2. People with a more…respectful common sense
3. People with a more accepting frame of mind
4. People who sees a life outside of moolah and business calls
5. People who do their research before doing anything retarded or life-endangering
6. Godiva. And Reese’s.
7. AWESOME TGIF
8. Awesome affordable ethnic restaurants like Mediterranean, Thai, Japanese, Korean (!!), Tibetan (!!!), French, Italian, Irish…etc
9. Tibetan Cultural Center
10. Dalai Lama’s 87-years-old Dalai Lama brother who was once a professor in Indiana University Bloomington
11. Dollar Tree Store
12. Fashion of minimum lala-ness (including school wear) you would want to wear at least 5348 times before you donate them to the Salvation Army.
13. Factory outlet stores. Think Banana Republic at $10. And I wear Guess track pants. To sleep.
14. Breathable air. Bluer skies. Fluffier clouds. Greener trees.
15. Being able to distinguish the difference between government sponsored medical advice and research motivated medical advice on hemp plants, among other…methods of enlightenment. O: )
16. The opportunity to understand The Beatles, first hand.
17. Gym culture
18. Recycling culture
19. Smoking ban
20. Obamamamama
21. Marijuana legalization campaigns
22. More courteous drivers
22. Highway minimum speed limit
23. (More) Punctual, efficient public transportation
24. The currency exchange rate
25. Legality of 21
26. Spring time! Fall! Winter for holidays (only!)
27. People who are actually genuinely interested in your foreign culture if only because they’ve never been outside their gigantic state before
28. Chillout culture (Reminder: I’m mostly referring to Bloomington, Seattle, and Florida)
29. Very diverse culture. Culture shock can be paramount here, as long as you go out of your way, or not.
30. Very friendly, passionate, and casual relationships. Extremely practical/realistic and helpful
31. The non-existence of air kissers
32. The return/exchange policy
33. Amaz(ing)on.com
34. Incentives for the Creative Arts amongst other innovative fields in this land of real opportunities
35. The meritocracy system
36. The police force
37. Nationwide psychological understanding and support
38. Outspokenness and more straightforwardness; less hypocrisy and retarded censorship
39. Minority rights
40. MTV
41. More hairstylists who actually give you what you want because you asked for it. If they are not sure if something (like hair color or hairstyle) would work for you, they would refuse to jeopardize their pride and dignity for the sake of more moolah, if only because they believe in masterpieces and not half-ass jobs.

Unlike some hairstylists elsewhere, over the rainbow, who would assume that they know what you like and go ahead and decide for you, giving you an end result that would make Vidal Sassoon cry (like how blonde on most Asian skin would), if only because these people are lazy to go to class or go online to get more enlightened.

It helps that most international contemporary hairstyling techniques are in English.
-

Cons:
1. Boring, disgusting, obesity/bulimia-inducing SubwayMcDBurgerKingWendy’sDenny’sChick-A-Litetcetc
pastapastafuckingpastaagainT_T
2. Party. That’s what most people my age there seem to master in. Only.
3. People whose idea of a good party is Bud Light. And hip hop.
4. Some selfish arrogant bastards
5. American Chinese food, like General-wtf-Tsao chicken
6. Bush
7. Smoking ban
8. Highway maximum speed limit
9. Legality of 21
10. Four seasons. In one day.
11. Retarded, indecisive rain of no warning.
12. Very friendly and passionate but (very) casual relationships; temporal basis relationships; can be seen as very superficial/insignificant and selfish
13. The currency exchange rate
14. MTV
15. The beach. Hollywood lies.
16. Expensive a-minute-a-US-dollar massages

-:~:-

Malaisie (in general, after an observation of 20 mostly conscious years)

Pros:
1. Local and most Asian food
2. Ramli burger
3. Chillax culture of “lah”
4. Diverse worldly ideas and philosophies; more opportunities to be more critical and analytical, especially with the fucked up political reality and contradictory governmental system
5. Largely collectivist culture when it comes to relationships; feels more significant and meaningful
6. Consistent weather (and) temperature
7. The humour in (using) the national language
8. The retardation the humour of Berita Harian, RTM1, RTM2, TV3, NTV7
9. The entertaining interesting exciting lives and times of the bold and beautiful local politicians
10. The amount of local slangs you can use to cuss express how you feel
11. Some clubs/bars/lounges
12. Legality of 18
13. MAMAK culture
14. The beach
15. Cheap massages
-

Cons:
1. Most Western food
2. BN
3. ISA
4. Sedition Act
5. Syariah Court
6. Mat Rempits
7. Air-kissing Melayu Rempits and motor shop Bengs
8. The might of the Lala culture
9. Party = Hiphop/R&B
10. Company policy; license for stupidity
11. Non-breathable, sticky, heated air
12. How you need a car to go anywhere so you won’t drown in your own sweat
13. The incentives for the Creative Arts or anyone out of the norm
14. School t-shirt designs and tailoring
15. Highway maximum speed limit
16. Public transportation that is as punctual and efficient as the 9:30am-4:30pm government workers
17. Crime rate and the police force
18. Bribery
19. What meritocracy system?
20. People who are interested in your foreign culture if only because you’re some rich/good-looking novelty from foreign land
21. Nationwide psychological understanding and support
22. High sheep mentality-cum-extreme-hypocrisy/retardation/insecurity of whatever. I’m sien to repeat myself already
23. Majority rights
24. Hairstylists who compensate for their lack of skills with long unnecessary head massages while giving you a hairwash, using Jesus knows what kind of shampoo, and charging you the same price you’re charged for getting a similar treatment by a professional who is schooled and government certified in the US.

You also realize that half the time you get your haircut, you actually had to grow to like it.

(Author’s note: To be edited as the memory jogs erratically.)

-:~:-

I’m planning a massage some time tomorrow or Monday (what’s the occasion again?). It’s been a long overdue break.

(Author’s note: Edited my disclaimers, due to confusion of some readers.)

-

Due to the fear of miscommunication, allow me to throw in a few disclaimers, establishing what this post is not:

1. This post is about some people I’ve encountered, especially recently, and I talk about them in such a way so that the post is more general than subjective.
2. This post is not a thesis of self-justification.
3. This post is not to tell you what to think or how to feel.
4. This post is not to say what is ultimately right or ultimately wrong.

Above all, this post is not meant to moralized. Should you feel that way at the end, try this:

Think about what it took for me to bring myself to even share this much, this far.

:———————————:

Things I have learned:

1. Nobody naturally wants to fucking hurt themselves for “nothing” in the first place.

2. To love or care, in any way, is to risk hurting oneself at the expense of nobody else.

3. To want to care at all, is the want to justify that trust one feels that the other has earned, if only because the other is just being who they are to the former; to reciprocate to what seemed to be goodwill; selflessness.

4. Before one can hurt another, one has to first get past their own insecurities; either acknowledge them or go in denial.

5. Most of the time, people choose the latter, to go in denial. Hence, there are many selfish, insecure bastards and bitches in this world.

6. People who truly care about you won’t bother trying to use you to satisfy their superficial needs of the moment: Physical pleasure should never be equated to emotional satisfaction.

7. Unless, they are either: a) lying, or b) really wanting to please you more than pleasing themselves.

8. Which brings me to this point: “No” means no; not let’s-have-a-sequel-an-hour-
after-I-pour-my-fucking-heart-out-to-you-or-after-my-bout-of-emoness.

9. (In relation,) Casual dating is sadomasochistically egoistic, selfish, and morally retarded, especially with the “wrong” person. You cannot “be yourself” and “care” like you would for a “normal” positive relationship that it can even jeopardize the “friendship”.

What you may think as initial reasoning/negotiation here may not come to a mutual agreement in the long run.

I wonder what has humanity today become.

10. If someone gives you 2-10 missed calls and does not badger you afterwards for the rest of the day, it does not mean that person is trying to be “clingy”. That person obviously called you because it was urgent and important enough, whether to their physical wellbeing or emotional wellbeing, and you meant more to them than 50 other alternatives.

11. If you insist on calling them “clingy”, what would that say about you if you’re supposedly their good friend/boyfriend/girlfriend?

12. Then again, when you call a person a “cheat/liar” who “only knows to take and not to give” and that you’ve “wasted your time” with them, because they don’t always want to go over to your place to hear you talk shit about other people and hear you tell them how to live their lives and cuddle with you because they’d rather do that with people they’re actually attracted to (especially because you’re obviously already getting the wrong impression about them), after they have been there for you again and again to rant and cry your fucking eyeballs out about how “nobody appreciates you” till fucking dawn, just because you’re their friend, not to mention the special brownie and cigarette lighters (they know you’d like) they’ve spent days hours searching, buying, and baking for your fucking birthday even though you both know each other over the span of only a fucking few months, even though you didn’t do shit for their birthday, just because they thought you needed some TLC after all the pain they have seen you been through…

…don’t expect them to respond to your 20 online and text messages plus 5 (and more, before) missed calls in the middle of the night of fucking finals week, if only because you’re acting on regret upon retarded hindsight.

Especially after you texted them: “Why do you keep ignoring me? That’s lame” and telling them “FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!”.

Or something like that.

13. Most men don’t have the heart most women have.

14. Most women don’t have the brains most men have.

15. The world is clearly fucked up as it is. Don’t assume that the person who chose you (out of 43958 others) to emo with did not know that already. More often than not, fairly educated souls know that there are at least 2478092343490823 people out there living on welfare, dying from AIDS, Hepatitis A and B and C and D and E and F and whatever else, HIV, leukemia, breast cancer, brain tumor, Bush’s decision, having no arms and legs and penises, child abuse, sex abuse, religious abuse, institutionalized abuse, hunger pains, period pains, unfortunate plane crashes, and whatever else your sadistic mind can conjure, so if you do your part not to tell me how to feel, I will do my best to empathize and listen where your good intentions are coming from, thanks very fucking much.

To each his/her own. Each person’s experience is more subjective than you think it is. The impact of physiological pain cannot be compared to the impact of psychological pain if you want to truly relate to the latter.

16. Again, if you’re in any way psychologically educated, you should be well aware that depression is not a choice. It takes a lot out of someone to even share anything related to that with you.

Have you ever tried confiding how you truly feel to someone you thought you can trust?

Remember that feeling, thanks.

17. People who try their best to diss my belief in astrology often do not bother to take the time and effort to study its arcane art for what it is.

Ah…you are wondering if this is a true science or simply a concoction of mumbo-jumbo? One thing is certain, if you discard the ancient occult art of astrology completely, then there is no romance or poetry within your soul, for this is an art with a tradition of mysticism and ancient lore which reaches back for thousands of years.

Source: The coolest mysterious site I’ve come across to date, recently.

Just for your information, I’ve observed astrology on and off for about five years to come this far. And it’s not even much, in my not-too-humble opinion.

18. I was brought up a freethinker; a skeptic; a “philosopher”; a “truth-seeker”. All my life, I’ve almost never liked the idea of being controlled.

Hence, I say it is sick for anyone to assume that I enjoy believing in what I seem to believe in.

Especially when they clearly don’t bother asking me enough to get a clearer picture. What’s more to try to know enough about me before making any educated assumption.

Craziness is never as crazy as you once thought, once you see the reason behind it, for what it is.

19. I look at all the lonely people. I wonder how many of them look at me too.

20. Sympathy and empathy are not the same thing.

21. If I can tolerate you for what you appear to be, can you tolerate me too? If you want me to be honest with you, can you be as honest with me too?

I like telling it like it is, exactly for what it is. Can you do the same too, while facing your innermost wants and fears?

-

Mutual tolerance, mutual respect; how underrated.

Fair trade; what an ideal.

Barter trade; the sad fact of life.

-

I owe a lot to my intuition. Unfortunately, I don’t trust myself to trust anymore.

If only because I cared more than I should have.

-

“I don’t remember a time when I had to protest that I’m being honest.”

The funky therapist, some pH.D holder of something something don’t remember where I saw it, a Muslim.

-

I wonder how it is like being an asexual. The therapist said there’s nothing really bad about it.