(Author’s note: Edited my disclaimers, due to confusion of some readers.)
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Due to the fear of miscommunication, allow me to throw in a few disclaimers, establishing what this post is not:
1. This post is about some people I’ve encountered, especially recently, and I talk about them in such a way so that the post is more general than subjective.
2. This post is not a thesis of self-justification.
3. This post is not to tell you what to think or how to feel.
4. This post is not to say what is ultimately right or ultimately wrong.
Above all, this post is not meant to moralized. Should you feel that way at the end, try this:
Think about what it took for me to bring myself to even share this much, this far.
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Things I have learned:
1. Nobody naturally wants to fucking hurt themselves for “nothing” in the first place.
2. To love or care, in any way, is to risk hurting oneself at the expense of nobody else.
3. To want to care at all, is the want to justify that trust one feels that the other has earned, if only because the other is just being who they are to the former; to reciprocate to what seemed to be goodwill; selflessness.
4. Before one can hurt another, one has to first get past their own insecurities; either acknowledge them or go in denial.
5. Most of the time, people choose the latter, to go in denial. Hence, there are many selfish, insecure bastards and bitches in this world.
6. People who truly care about you won’t bother trying to use you to satisfy their superficial needs of the moment: Physical pleasure should never be equated to emotional satisfaction.
7. Unless, they are either: a) lying, or b) really wanting to please you more than pleasing themselves.
8. Which brings me to this point: “No” means no; not let’s-have-a-sequel-an-hour-
after-I-pour-my-fucking-heart-out-to-you-or-after-my-bout-of-emoness.
9. (In relation,) Casual dating is sadomasochistically egoistic, selfish, and morally retarded, especially with the “wrong” person. You cannot “be yourself” and “care” like you would for a “normal” positive relationship that it can even jeopardize the “friendship”.
What you may think as initial reasoning/negotiation here may not come to a mutual agreement in the long run.
I wonder what has humanity today become.
10. If someone gives you 2-10 missed calls and does not badger you afterwards for the rest of the day, it does not mean that person is trying to be “clingy”. That person obviously called you because it was urgent and important enough, whether to their physical wellbeing or emotional wellbeing, and you meant more to them than 50 other alternatives.
11. If you insist on calling them “clingy”, what would that say about you if you’re supposedly their good friend/boyfriend/girlfriend?
12. Then again, when you call a person a “cheat/liar” who “only knows to take and not to give” and that you’ve “wasted your time” with them, because they don’t always want to go over to your place to hear you talk shit about other people and hear you tell them how to live their lives and cuddle with you because they’d rather do that with people they’re actually attracted to (especially because you’re obviously already getting the wrong impression about them), after they have been there for you again and again to rant and cry your fucking eyeballs out about how “nobody appreciates you” till fucking dawn, just because you’re their friend, not to mention the special brownie and cigarette lighters (they know you’d like) they’ve spent days hours searching, buying, and baking for your fucking birthday even though you both know each other over the span of only a fucking few months, even though you didn’t do shit for their birthday, just because they thought you needed some TLC after all the pain they have seen you been through…
…don’t expect them to respond to your 20 online and text messages plus 5 (and more, before) missed calls in the middle of the night of fucking finals week, if only because you’re acting on regret upon retarded hindsight.
Especially after you texted them: “Why do you keep ignoring me? That’s lame” and telling them “FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!”.
Or something like that.
13. Most men don’t have the heart most women have.
14. Most women don’t have the brains most men have.
15. The world is clearly fucked up as it is. Don’t assume that the person who chose you (out of 43958 others) to emo with did not know that already. More often than not, fairly educated souls know that there are at least 2478092343490823 people out there living on welfare, dying from AIDS, Hepatitis A and B and C and D and E and F and whatever else, HIV, leukemia, breast cancer, brain tumor, Bush’s decision, having no arms and legs and penises, child abuse, sex abuse, religious abuse, institutionalized abuse, hunger pains, period pains, unfortunate plane crashes, and whatever else your sadistic mind can conjure, so if you do your part not to tell me how to feel, I will do my best to empathize and listen where your good intentions are coming from, thanks very fucking much.
To each his/her own. Each person’s experience is more subjective than you think it is. The impact of physiological pain cannot be compared to the impact of psychological pain if you want to truly relate to the latter.
16. Again, if you’re in any way psychologically educated, you should be well aware that depression is not a choice. It takes a lot out of someone to even share anything related to that with you.
Have you ever tried confiding how you truly feel to someone you thought you can trust?
Remember that feeling, thanks.
17. People who try their best to diss my belief in astrology often do not bother to take the time and effort to study its arcane art for what it is.
Ah…you are wondering if this is a true science or simply a concoction of mumbo-jumbo? One thing is certain, if you discard the ancient occult art of astrology completely, then there is no romance or poetry within your soul, for this is an art with a tradition of mysticism and ancient lore which reaches back for thousands of years.
Source: The coolest mysterious site I’ve come across to date, recently.
Just for your information, I’ve observed astrology on and off for about five years to come this far. And it’s not even much, in my not-too-humble opinion.
18. I was brought up a freethinker; a skeptic; a “philosopher”; a “truth-seeker”. All my life, I’ve almost never liked the idea of being controlled.
Hence, I say it is sick for anyone to assume that I enjoy believing in what I seem to believe in.
Especially when they clearly don’t bother asking me enough to get a clearer picture. What’s more to try to know enough about me before making any educated assumption.
Craziness is never as crazy as you once thought, once you see the reason behind it, for what it is.
19. I look at all the lonely people. I wonder how many of them look at me too.
20. Sympathy and empathy are not the same thing.
21. If I can tolerate you for what you appear to be, can you tolerate me too? If you want me to be honest with you, can you be as honest with me too?
I like telling it like it is, exactly for what it is. Can you do the same too, while facing your innermost wants and fears?
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Mutual tolerance, mutual respect; how underrated.
Fair trade; what an ideal.
Barter trade; the sad fact of life.
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I owe a lot to my intuition. Unfortunately, I don’t trust myself to trust anymore.
If only because I cared more than I should have.
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“I don’t remember a time when I had to protest that I’m being honest.”
The funky therapist, some pH.D holder of something something don’t remember where I saw it, a Muslim.
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I wonder how it is like being an asexual. The therapist said there’s nothing really bad about it.
