I didn’t plan to like him.

Not constantly, at least.

Then again, our minds are fickle in ways that only the heart would understand. Our minds just…

…disgust our hearts, sometimes.

The devil’s advocate is a bastard.

–

I would be lying if I do not include details of the motivation for my infidelity. Granted, he was six feet tall, of medium built, and he liked going to the gym. I don’t even want to start on his soft masculine voice. Moreover, his sharp facial features were only a soft frame for those deep set of dark browns.

Those penetrating eyes.

That searched my evasive ones.

Rare occasions those were, for they unnerved my own.

Up until then. It was during the time when destiny brought us together on that one fateful evening. With dim lights, a sultry décor, and sensuous melody in the background, there was so much a restless mind and confused thoughts could do to a vulnerable heart before one’s own personal ethics and values were compromised.

My heart has always been a wild child. Lust, when uncontained, can easily overpower the mind with its own rationale that the heart would regret when it is too late.

Or almost. As Feist crooned sentimentally how it could happen on that one evening, the bastard upstairs bitchslapped me with the realization that this was the very same mistake which responsibility I have always been pushing largely to my sinful partner(s) in lust, or “ill-managed” substance abuse for that matter, even though in the past, I have always sworn to allow it to happen only “just this once.”

Once a mistake repeats itself, it becomes a problem.

People tend to truly hurt those they love the most, and not see the light until it is too late.

I realized that it was the last thing that I would ever want; ever.

And then I cried.

–

Oh, darling…

Two days later, of guilt and regret. My voice trembled over the phone line.

“Stop crying,” The Lover said, in between my torrent sobs.

…please believe me…

“Aww…don’t cry……” His voice was soft.

…I’ll never do you no harm…

I couldn’t help it; it’s my nature to feel it all after all. To empathize, both for myself and the other and every other context imaginable. It was a sorrowful event in a blessing in disguise.

Honesty, such an elusive concept in its purest form.

…Believe me when I tell you…

“…people do stupid things….”

…I’ll never do you no harm…

I will never forget that comfort in his voice, if I can help it.

For the first time in my life, I feel that I can make a promise I can give my all to keep forever.

And I’m damn proud of that.

~

A poem for my lover
That will be left unsaid
For two hearts that speak
As one without the other