Sometimes, I wish I don’t have to say anything at all and they would know that I didn’t mean what I said.

At least, not take everything I did for granted. I can be just as confused myself.

I seemed to tell them to go. And I sounded like I meant what I said.

What they don’t seem to realize is that I need them to stay long enough to help me clear my thoughts.

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Self worth, self esteem, self, and ego. All the same.

Ego, ego — that which seized the day and not, depending on its size of the moment.

They do owe mine to a certain extent.

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My head tells me that I should not expect; that it’s okay that some promises be unfulfilled; that some things are left unwritten, unsaid; let bygones be bygones.

My heart disagrees. It has always wanted something more concrete and permanent than fleeting meetings, phone calls, SMS, MSN, and emails just to know that it was worth their while.