I hate spam. Have I mentioned how evolved spam sites are nowadays? Previously, they came in exciting boxes that popped up every time you visit some raunchy site like MSN. And they usually went straight to the point and tell you that they thought it was about time you heed to your need for fugly smileys, Spongebob screensavers, and Lotto winnings. Occasionally a naked celebrity lookalike or two.

But times have changed. Spam does its best to keep up with the trend. It reads blogs too. And as a token of appreciation, it never failed to comment and offer adult dating and penis enlargement services. Furniture, second-hand cars, Viagra, Cialis, and Barbie porno were also often part of the deal. You might even get the occasional talent showcase from innocent depressed emo MILF soft porn writers who are eager to share their experience.

Come to think of it, spam sort of gave a new definition to the term “stalker”.

Anyway, God bless Akismet. It made sure no comment was too raunchy from this blog’s readers. What it does is pretty much to collect all spam into a whole new comment page.

But the machines are pretty clever. Certain spam somehow outwitted Akismet and successfully pimped themselves for some unsupervised hours. So far, their best disguises were as:
1) blog readers that thank you for your blog as if their lives depended on it
2) blog readers that told you how fantastic your posts are even though they were products of writer’s block and were at least two years old
3) blog readers that said “Sorry” even though you had no idea who Bob or Phillis was

Don’t trust any site that came from ‘.info’ or URLs with numbers in it. Some time ago, I think Akismet got so pissed, it decided to spam every single comment that had any word which might contain any sort of sexual innuendo. Like “handbags” or something.

Ever since then, I’ve observed a higher correlation between a shrinking scroll bar and high blood pressure. Two days ago, 16 pages worth of spam (799 spam from a mere four-day blogging absence of the mortal sheriff, fyi) with an almost invisible scroll bar was nearly worthy of a genocide of the inhabitants of the local mechanic shops. (The air-kissing was borderline lawsuit-filling, mind you.)

Goddamit. Writing this itself would prolly quadruple my spam hits. I don’t want to imagine the amount of shit I’ve to run through after this post.