When will people stop disappointing you?

When you stop caring.

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I wish I didn’t care so much. I wish that I have no space for emotions; for love. Of any kind.

I wish that I don’t think this way. I wish I am not me. I wish that I don’t feel the need to rant.

I wish that I don’t feel fucked up when I don’t rant. I wish I don’t feel fucked up from bottling things up.

Again, I wish that I don’t care.

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I wish that I’m not blunt. I don’t like to hurt people. I don’t like to know that I’ve hurt someone whom I don’t think deserves to be hurt.

But then again, when I don’t approve of what they do (especially when it directly concerns/affects me) and I don’t tell them how I feel, I feel doubly fucked up.

Funny. I usually don’t tell them what I think of them in public (unless they really deserve the shit I want to give them), and yet, they still feel hurt.

Even though it’s the truth of what I feel. And, oh, oh, old news here: The truth can hurt, when it’s something you‘re not open-minded about.

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Does this mean that they don’t care about what I feel, but only what they feel instead?

Yes, I know, I can’t please the world. I can’t possibly care about the whole damn world.

But what if I care only about those who matter to me: Friends, lovers, and whatnot?

Am I supposed to ditch them if they’re that bad for my well-being? Well, I can’t help thinking that conflicts are just a result of miscommunication, you know. Misunderstanding. I just want to work things out, if possible. I know I can if I want to.

I’m a peace lover, dammit. Just don’t expect me to mind read with no given mind maps. Otherwise, don’t fucking complain when I get it wrong with my own map.

Because they’re not exactly helping.

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Since when has keeping quiet about the truth ever helped anyway, especially when the one involved has already suspected the truth but doesn’t want to risk a guess for the sake of not “misunderstanding” things and possibly making things worse?

Just think about all the misunderstandings from the past. What created it?

Miscommunication. Everyone loses out.

In my not-so-humble-but-honest opinion, if you really want to lie, keep it white and whole. Otherwise, tell the entire fucking truth, please and thanks. Save everyone time and energy.

Because half the truth can be equally as bad as a black lie.

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Face it: Guilt can be the heaviest burden of the heart and it can make you do shits you’ll eventually regret.

Unless you come clean through and through.

Also, if you feel guilty, it’s your problem. Please don’t be an ass and take it out on innocent bystanders.

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Again, yes, I know, I “shouldn’t” be caring so much, especially since I’m so emotionally sensitive. I shouldn’t care at all, when it’s something that is not “serious” in the first place, no?

How serious is “serious” anyway?

And is it right or wrong to just want…some basic…appreciation?

I’m still human, you know. I like to think that I deserve to be civilly treated as one.

Like how one would treat a person they can call a friend, if anything.

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What the hell happened to sincerity?

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I don’t get how some people want something genuine/sincere/honest yet they don’t reciprocate accordingly. And when they know they have hurt someone else with the unfairness, they actually still feel justified for their actions.

And it doesn’t matter if they have officially stated that they want genuinity/sincerity/honesty or not.

Because, uh, hello? Who the hell wants to experience a lie/hypocrisy for the sake of it?

How would you feel if I told you the same lie you told me, if you’re in my shoes?

Do unto others as you would have them unto you.

And these people can actually blame the one who is hurt, for expecting “too much“; for caring “too much“.

When the one who is hurt just expects within boundaries. Just because they’re involved in the first place.

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What happened to respect again?

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Sometimes, I wonder if I care too much, when it feels like I’m just caring accordingly to the situation and I’m just addressing my basic needs. Then I would worry that I have cared too much and get pissed knowing that I have cared that much, when the other person obviously doesn’t care as much.

Upon learning about the situation as objectively as possible, some trusted third parties would start off with a “Yeah, you care/expect too much. Should just fuck it and let go.”

And eventually tell me that I shouldn’t stop caring. Because not many people care enough.

Weeeeeeee…the cycle is “fun” and people should just stop taking me for granted already. Don’t assume that I know fucking everything.

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Oh yeah, belated Merry Valentine’s. To quote Splashmilk: Happy Singles Awareness Day. Weeeeeeeeeee

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P.S. Assume at your own risk.