The idea of love saddens me greatly. The idea of insecurity too.

Even more so.

~

Have you ever envied someone for possessing many qualities you admire? Good looks, good heart, good head, good spirit, good humor…

If you haven’t, you’re either very secure of yourself or are living in a closet.

Nevertheless, I wonder if you realize that these traits are either traits you want to possess or traits you want your lover to have.

It would be nice if you were to have those great qualities as mentioned. You would be admired, put on a pedestal, worshipped, and praised. All for your awesomeness.

You’d be just…wow, you know? Perfect. But even better because you’re realistic.

Realistic in the sense that though you’re a wonderful concoction of good physical beauty, mind, heart, and soul, you’re still perfectly human because you have your bad days too.

But you always seem to face things head on. Whether you often want to bury yourself or not.

The want to run away is very human. Survival.

~

So you’re perfect in that human sense. You’re held in high regards by people who genuinely care for you; care for the uncommon. The length of time they’ve known you for doesn’t really matter. As long as they’ve bothered enough to try to understand you. Even those who don’t know you would eventually see that very simple yet complex being that is called You, an apparently normal person who would easily get lost in the millions and billions out there if they weren’t given the chance.

All you need is a chance to stand out.

Just like a diamond in the rough.

All you need is polish. Because some talents are just…natural. Unexplainably so.

~

You’re complex in the eyes of many. You seem to want many things and you question a lot. You would be seen as an excellent conversationalist. You seem to offer a great many things too, because it seems peculiar that you can say the things you say and do the things you do. You touch things many usually don’t or are discouraged to feel. You seem to know no bounds, within reason.

Some like it. You help them push their limits. You remind them of what they’ve wanted and most likely still want.

You are the chance they never had.

And some don’t. They don’t like what you do and they certainly don’t like what they know you can do. It doesn’t matter how well they know you because all that matters to them is that you seem to instill fear in them.

And the only control they have over their fear, over you, is the control over the ones who admire you.

Even though, secretly, you both know that they admire you too. You who has everything they have and perhaps even more.

~

But they can’t afford to compete with you. They especially can’t afford to lose the support of the ones who used to admire only them and now…

…you.

Because you can offer what they can’t. They just fear.

You would seem to be the greener grass in their green eyes. To them, you must be cut so their bovine admirers can’t see anything new to eat.

They don’t care if you’ve always respected what they have or not. What matters to them is your power.

The idea of isolation can lead to the death of confidence. And the birth of irrationality.

~

People can do anything for the sake of power. Especially power over things they’ve worked for in their lives.

And you, who seem to have more power, would seem to be a potential thief.

Just because you don’t look like you need to work for admiration.

Even though those envious ones have no idea how you have to work against the loyalty your admirers have for them, just to maintain the relationships you had with your admirers before they entered the picture.

Just because you want to fulfill your basic need for love; for acceptance. Just because you care for those who care about you. Just because you have faith in them. Just because you want to love and be loved back.

-
Sometimes, simple wants are too many to fulfill.

~

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter who’s better than the other. The responsibilities at hand tend to outweigh how one feels for the other. Worldly ties like gratitude and fear of loneliness can ultimately contribute to the loyalty you can just…

…hate.

And admire.

Hate because you think things could have been different for the better. And you wonder what’s wrong with sacrificing the past for you, especially since you seem to be what your admirers have always wanted.

Why not me?

Is it wrong to feel selfish? To be given a chance?

And you admire this loyalty of theirs because they seem to have faith in the price of their happiness. Their pain seem to be worth it in the long run. Whether they’re pursuing their dreams or not seems to be a different story. Noble.

No man is an island.

~

They’re so lucky. You, in turn, are envious of the luck of those who envy you.

This makes you wonder: What’s the point of being “perfect” then, when you can’t get what you want?

Especially when being “perfect” is only being yourself.

You’re so simple in that sense. Not complex at all.

Why can’t they see that?

~

It was said that perfection is a myth. Maybe that’s why.