I have been too absorbed in the impact of my life disasters that I have forgotten to notice relief workers around me who take their time healing me. These people don’t announce their arrivals as well. They just want me to see the end result: My shelter home. Safe and sound.

They have always been there. They just stand out when you least expect them to. I just needed to use the right method to discover them: Patience.

Fucking virtue. I hope that I now fully understand that time will always be an unreasonable influence.

Today, I recieved a significant confession that was a year late.

My intuition tells me that it’s not too late.

Time will tell. If only it doesn’t take such a bloody long time to make up its mind.

And so I visited Marco’s Pizza in your friendly neighbourhood of Kelana Jaya. Not out of freewill actually. You see, my brother was given two MYR15 vouchers to spend in Marco’s. One voucher would allow redemption of a regular pizza. My brother wanted to pig out in the comforts of our fantabulous living room so he showed the coupon to the waiter and said: “I would like to take away please.”

“No, you can’t,” came the curt reply.

“Why?”

“Because,” the pompous dick said as he flipped the coupon over to the back. “The ticket said ‘dine in only’.”

Due to my brother’s painfully peace-loving personality (only with the public, mind you), he conceded to the stupid rule, resulting in the whole family’s reluctant visit to the pizza parlour. Hail the power of good pizzas.

After settling down with our orders (Ala Americana and Con Funghi), I started wandering around the counter (I forgot why). Our waiter (not Mr. Pompous Dick) approached me and said that they can only allow the usage of one coupon per receipt. Not thinking much, I asked him to charge just the Con Funghi. Ala Americana would be served free. At the same time, I took the opportunity to test the logic behind the stupid policy of the voucher.

Me: Here (pointed at coupon) stated that I’m supposed to dine in, right?
Waiter: Yes.
Me: Can I take away my pizza?
Waiter: No.
Me: Why?
Waiter: Because it said ‘dine in only’.
Me: The main goal of the voucher is to redeem a free pizza, right?
Waiter: Yes.
Me: Since that I’m only here for the pizza, why can’t I take the pizza away?”
Waiter: I’m sorry but it’s the company’s policy.
Supervisor: (butted in) What’s the problem here?
Me: I’m wondering why I can’t take away my pizza.
Supervisor: Oh, you see, miss, you can only redeem one pizza. It’s a RM15 voucher.
Me: I can see that, thank you.
Supervisor: Then?
Me: Why can’t I take away my pizza?
Supervisor: Oh, it’s the company’s policy. You have to dine in here.
Me: The policy doesn’t make sense. Why can’t I eat my pizza wherever I want?

(Nervous chuckles. The Kay Poh Cashier then butted in.)

KPC: “What’s wrong?”
Me: This coupon doesn’t allow me to take away my pizza.
KPC: Oh, it’s a RM15 voucher. You can only take one regular pizza.
Me: … Never mind.

Team Bodoland: 1
Team Bodicea: 0

When I got back to my seat, I bitched about what happened at the cash register counter to my family. My parents decided to ignore the retarded no-takeaway policy and do justice about the one-coupon-per-receipt policy instead. They summoned our waiter.

Dad: You said that I can only use only one coupon per receipt, right?
Waiter: Yes.
Dad: What if we now divide the receipt into two? They both (He gestured to my mother and brother) will use another receipt?
Waiter: Er… Let me check with the supervisor.

Team Bodoland: 1
Team Bodicea: 1

Supervisor: What’s the problem here?
Dad: We would like to use two receipts to use two vouchers.
Supervisor: You can’t do that.
Dad: Why?
Supervisor: Because only one table is allowed one voucher.

(Author’s note: My family took up three connected tables at a booth.)

Dad: Can’t you treat it as if we’re using three tables each?
Supervisor: No, sorry, I can’t.
Me: …
Dad: What’s the difference anyway?
Supervisor: Heh, well, it’s the company’s policy.
Me: …
Dad: Can I walk out of here?
Supervisor: Yes, you can.
Dad: Then can I walk back in and then you register me as a new customer and use up the second coupon anyway?
Supervisor: No, you can’t.
Me: …
Dad: I understand that you’re trying to abide by your company’s policy, but the reason we want to use two vouchers at one go is because we don’t want to come here so often.
Supervisor: I understand that but I still have to follow the management’s decision.
Mum: What if my son and I use another table and the rest stay here?
Supervisor: Yeah, that I can allow.
Me: … What’s the difference anyway?
Supervisor: You see, we have this policy on customers-per-table policy, yada yada… (Whatever the fuck he was talking about.)
Dad: Why didn’t you just say so earlier?

(Mum and bro started moving to a nearby table. Nooo, that’s like admitting defeat!)

Supervisor: Well…
Me: You still don’t make sense.
Dad: Can we use both vouchers now?
Supervisor: Yes, you can.
Me: You still don’t make sense. Please cancel the paid order for Con Funghi.
Supervisor: Okay.

Team Bodoland: 2
Team Bodicea: 1

Dad: This must be the stupidest restaurant I have ever eaten in.
Mum: Shh! Not so loud!
Dad: (single-handedly cupped his mouth) THIS MUST BE STUPIDEST RESTAURANT I HAVE EVER EATEN IN.
Random patron who sat next to us: (stared at us and then contemplated touching her plate)

Half time score: -

Team Bodoland: 2
Team Bodicea: 2

The pizzas came one by one and my family had a fantabulous time waltzing to and fro between tables which were 4 feet apart, just to exchange pizzas. Con Funghi was probably the best vegetarian crap I ever had the misfortune to taste. I had to resurrect my taste buds fast. I tried to call for an emergency dark chocolate cake but my dad stopped me once they saw our brilliant waiter dropped a second Con Funghi on our table.

Dad: What’s this?
Einstein: Your Con Funghi that you ordered.
Me: I thought we have decided to use both coupons. I’ve even said to cancel the order.
Einstein: …
Dad: Never mind, let’s just have it.
Me: … What about my chocolate cake?
Dad: Cincai la.

Team Bodoland: 3
Team Bodicea: 2

I was bloody irritated. My counter attack system was so much in overdrive that I tried not to giggle when I asked the same waiter for the comment and suggestion form. I felt kind of bad as I took the form from him when he responded with such polite friendliness. Oh well.

My brother pointed out that under the “Food Quality” category, the form included a section to rate the “Value for Money”. The “Drink Quality” category did not mention that bit.

“Comments and Suggestions:” I suggest that your company have a more flexible policy to adapt to your customers’ needs. Please arrange the management’s decision-making according to reason and logic. Thanks.

“Would you dine with us again?” Maybe. (Depends on how you’d repent)

Full time score: -

Team Bodoland: 3
Team Bodicea: ∞

I hate stupid people. Period.

A cold room, wet and dingy. A monk sat across the room, facing a Thai masseur who looked down with repressed fear and anguish. The monk requested the maid to calm down and meditate.

“Free your mind. Empty all thoughts.”

“I can’t.”

“You can try.”

“I can’t!”

“You can. If you have read the sutras, there was a prostitute during the Buddha’s time and she managed to attain the first stage of Nirvana–”

“I cannot read. You don’t understand!”

“Calm down. I understand that you’re in great pain–”

“There are scratches on my vagina!”

“There is great unrest in your soul–”

“There is blood in my rectum!”

Silence.

“I can’t act like a monk! Can monks act like prostitutes??“

Silence.

The scene changed. A Japanese woman fumed at the Thai masseur.

“You cannot see him.”

“I must see him.”

The Thai masseur proceeded to show a photograph.

“She doesn’t look anything like him.”

“If you don’t let me see him, I’ll shout to the entire neighbourhood about her!”

The Japanese woman lunged forward in an attempt to snatch the scandalous photograph away from the Thai masseur. A cat fight ensued.

“Do you think we’re rich??“

“I don’t want his money! I just want his signature to show that this is his child.”

An official testimonial ruffled angrily.

“Then say that you’re using her as an excuse to stay in this country! Say that you used him!“

“I used him? No. He came to me. I gave him the child he always said he wanted and never had!”

“You’ll never get his signature!”

“Don’t you get it? It’s not about me. She has to have his signature! She cannot go back to Thailand! She was born here, she lived here, she went to school here; she’ll never fit in back home! She is Japanese!“

“And what about me? How am I supposed to face the public by accepting your child? It’s you who wrecked your daughter’s life, not him. Go back home. Japan will never accept you.”

“Even if they kick me out, even if I have to leave her in Thailand, I will come back! I just want his signature.”

The testimonial was thrown to the Thai masseur’s face.

A long pause.

“Just give me back my Sundays…give me back my Sundays…”

An exasperate sob. The Japanese woman left. The Thai masseur picked the paper up with pleasure and a sense of accomplishment. She was lost in her own thoughts of freedom.

The monk spoke again.

“Do you know why you are here?”

“I want his signature. It’s for her.”

“Do you think that the court will still allow you to stay? Even if you have his signature and you’re allowed to stay here, you’ll be holding an alien card; you’ll never be a citizen here. That’s how the law works.”

“I don’t care if I have to leave her in Thailand. I have to come in here. No matter what.”

“Do you know why you are here?”

“I don’t care if I have to leave her in Thailand! No matter what, I will fight for our rights to stay in here!”

“Do you know why you are here?“

The scene changed.

As time went by, many other scenes depicted stories of women and men who are affected by global movement and migration.

We see a CEO of a successful trans-national business conglomerate faced with the problem of living up to his promise to give a better life to a fisherman (an old friend who jumpstarted the former’s business by showing him the most beautiful sunset he has ever seen), and living up to his job expectations by releasing the latter and other “old” native workers (whose islands suffered the wrath of tsunami). The CEO was depressed with his dilemma. In reaction to his woes, his wife (who was initially absorbed in expressing concern over their business import of expensive jewelry made by native workers) screamed her angst against the judgment that seemed to always make the rich the culprit of poverty.

Next, we see a Philippine maid being forced to choose between her job and aborting her baby (hence going against her Catholic god) because of the restrictions of the Singaporean law.

Then, we see a workaholic rich Japanese businessman who became affected by the loss of his first born child, resulting in a desperate attempt to see the purity in poverty after his encounter with a prostitute in Myanmar.

Mainly and finally, we see a rift of high conflict between a female Malay Malaysian head of the state human resource department, and an NGO officer. The former believed that the migrant workers are the root of social problems and the latter believed that national security is the root of migrant worker problems. The former believed that change should start from oneself while the latter believed that change should be imposed onto others.

Both of them wanted to fight for women’s rights and world peace.

–

The above is a summary and a spoiler for Mobile, a drama presented by The Actors Studio (Bangsar) & The Necessary Stage (Singapore), which I had the privilege to witness last night.

The drama was really an eye-opener to the real current events of the world which many easily ignore. I used to think that the rich are heartless bastards who only knew how to talk about ending poverty while watching the occasional National Geographic in their Plasma TVs.

Sure, there are the painfully hypocritical and selfish assholes from the 20% of the world’s population (i.e. the retarded celebrities and popular business conglomerates that, in fact, gives more shit about money than about social welfare) who pays others to save the world for their own convenience, but are we giving enough credit to the rich who do make a difference in the lives of the many poor?

Too often have we used the conspiracy theories on the rich whenever they did charity. Too often have we blamed the rich for not contributing enough to society.

And it’s not just about the rich. Many people tend to think that the poor are fated to live the life they lived. Survival of the fittest. But without the opportunity to education, the poor cannot better their lives as they should. “Good” education in today’s society are the ones that scream brands like “US”, “Canada”, “Australia”, and “UK”.

In other words, expensive. What’s more, the world today can’t seem to appreciate native workers. Xenocentrism seem to be valued for its diversity. Yet, when workers become emigrants/immigrants, the government seems to care about national security above all else, regardless of personal issues.

It’s a Catch-22 situation.

Taking all that into mind, the biggest question that now appears to me to be the most selfish one: To care or not to care? Because without these workers, none of the massive constructions and national projects would have been completed, none of the agriculture would have sustained for so long, and I might be forced to move my naturally lazy ass to work with them. So I should appreciate their full worth and give my utmost sincere support. Sure, I could offer my sympathy to their unhappiness.

But should I literally go out to help them and share the burden? They are really none of my fucking business. Why should the privileged be condemned for what they were naturally born into?

They’re there; they exist. We can’t pretend that everybody lives in Lala Land. I don’t want to care yet I want to care for them.

Back to Mobile, it was amusing when they mentioned that in Singapore, if anyone were to mention this issue with national security, the government would cry “MARXISM” or “COMMUNISM”.

Lastly, to quote Mobile’s flyer: “As the world becomes more mobile, has it also become more foreign?“

After so many years of supremacy, due to capitalism and Eurocentrism, the nature of English seems to imply that it’s always politically correct.

Useless or/and redundant English phrases:

1. “Did you know/you know”

Too god damn many people just like to say things like “You know what happened yesterday?” and “You know?” and “I want to but I can’t. Well, you know…”

No, I don’t fucking know, thank you. Even if I do know, why do you still need to repeat what I already know?

2. “Guess what?”

This phrase has an unexplainable power to trigger the urge of the listener to ask “What?”, which doesn’t make sense anyway because the answer the speaker eventually give to his/her own question or to that reply of a question, is usually unrelated to the original question. There is absolutely no context in “what” apart from being a question of its own, so what the hell am I supposed to guess anyway?

3. “No offense, but…/No offense.”

Usually, people tend to say this when they think they’re about to say something offensive to the other person. But if there was anything offensive at all, wouldn’t it be up to the other person to decide? And if the other person did take offense, they’d have already lied from the beginning. Fucking hypocrites.

4. “Can I ask you a question?”

You’ve already asked one, dumbass.

5. “I can’t agree more.”

So you can agree less?

6. “Honestly/Honestly speaking/To tell you the truth/To be honest/Honest.”

Are you implying that you have been lying before? Frankly speaking, “frankly” is a better alternative.
7.

a) “Seriously/Really.”

I didn’t know that you were serious before. Thanks for the information.

b) “Seriously/Really?”

No, I was joking.

8. “At the end of the day”

The end of a day is night. Is that what you meant? No, then which day did you mean? There are so god damn many days in so many years. By the way, the end of any day is 11:59 p.m.

9. “Let me share this with you”

What if I say no?

10. “Not really”

“Do you want a goat?”

“Not really.”

What the hell is “not really”? You either want it or not. Yes or no. In this case, it’s a no. So why can’t you just say “No”? Time is precious, dingbat.

11.

a) “Nothing much”

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing much.”

What the fuck is “nothing much”? What the hell do you do with “nothing much”? If you don’t want to share what you’re doing at the moment, just say “something”. You’d save three characters worth of space to type something more useful like “lol”, “SOS”, “:o)”, “#%&”, “nln”, etc.

b) “Nothing.”

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

In the process of saying that, you’d have opened your mouth, vibrated your throat, retracted your tongue, and closed your mouth. That was at least four things. And even if you didn’t reply, you’d either have been staring into space or staring at my awesomeness.

Liar.

12. “New and improved!”

I knew it. Your last product was a con. Why the hell do you advertise your “new” product by comparing it with other brands anyway? Why not compare it with your “old” and “unimproved” product? By the way, if your product is new, you can’t have anything previously to improve on.

n00b.

13. “Just a second/minute” (Especially “just a second“)

What a lie. Either that or your perception of time is so alien to me that we must be living on different planets.

14. “Has the bus come yet?”

Yes, it came and left without me so that I can tell you the answer.

15. “Are you sleeping?”

I am. And I’m dreaming about speaking to a moron. What do you think?

16. (When you have obviously cut your hair) “Did you cut your hair?”

No, it’s Autumn and I’m shedding.

17. “Do I know you?”

Why the fuck did you ask me that, dumbass? Do I look like the Oracle to you? Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that it was a rhetorical question. So what the fuck was I supposed to do? Stare at you until you make sense out of yourself?

God save the Queen.

–

Some credits to Leon and Shaolin Tiger.

)

Current “time:” 4:39pm, April 27th, 2008; some days before the last evil finals of my very first US school year which I really ought to start studying for !

On nationalism…

I love the Malay language. It makes things easy to laugh at.

-

Current “time:” 1:26am, April 9th, 2008; two days before FEIST !

While the Aries Best Friend yammers away on AIM on how he’s “not insecure,” saying how he’s not intoxicated right now and he’s thinking straight/rationally “for once.”

Me thinking…

Honesty doesn’t guarantee accuracy.

-

Current “time:” 8:27pm, April 08th, 2008; God saves Obamama~

On the cause of my own depression…

I think too goddamachaohai.

On my own quotations…

I should quote myself more often.

-

Current “time:” 9:31am, March 30th, 2008; still in halo Amedika yo~

On why J is such a genius the perfect Yin and Yang, according to The Bastard Upstairs…

God granted me the smarts of a man and the heart of a woman.

Previously, in my Facebook profile status message…

Make art, not fart!

Current “time:” 4:37pm; in Amedika lik halo Amedika yo~

∞

oops.

i meant,

KågeK|¥ø: Everything is made in China says:
who were you talking to? (kwok, 2008)

KågeK|¥ø: Everything is made in China says:
whats your point of reference (kwok, 2008)

it’s forever 2007 man. i’m forever 21. i’m so redundant and you know im right no matter what <3

u know u want me yet not. let’s face the fact, whatever it is.

Quotes of the day:

(On why I always put “Out to Lunch” as my status in MSN)
“Breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch, tea, supper…they’re just names. It’s the food that counts.”

“I laugh at your joke not because it’s funny but because it’s a joke.”

“Being romantic is the ability to touch someone’s heart with the right amount of loving sentiment.”

“How would you feel if I told you the same lies you told me?”

“Most likely, your best friend dies when you fall for them.”

“The hidden truth which one is more than entitled to know, is the unhidden lie told.”

“Choice is sometimes not a choice for change.”

“Weird people won’t find weird people weird.”

“Silence can hold the most complicated conversation.“

“The most mindfucking journey can be Patience.”

–

- Bodicea (Malaysian born procrastinator, freelance writer, freelance poet, freelance human rights activist, freelance intellectual freedom fighter, freelance depressive, freelance life examiner. 1987 – Still alive) -

~

Some quote she likes too much to delete off the Internet:

In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. “Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages you’ve had.”

While reserving judgments is a matter of infinite hope, I’ve come to admit that my tolerance of human behavior has its limits.

- Nick Carraway (The Great Gatsby)

“You see I think there comes a time when a man has to ask himself whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning.”

“I’d like to have both.”

“Hah.. Can’t be done. Two very different paths… I mean, to be truly happy, a man must live..absolutely in the present, and, no thoughts of what’s gone before and no thought of what lies ahead. But, a life of meaning..a man is condemned to wallow in the past and obsess about the future.”

- Nathan Petrelli and Mr. Linderman of Heroes