Captains log: 0344

 

I can’t sleep. Just had another alco moment. Half of Black Russian (bartender added black chocolate and you think you have a happy camper here but imho, chocolate and alcohol, a.k.a. liquorice, is the worst innovation after spam mails, pop up ads, and mobile phone key chains), half of Absolute Vodka (this is pure shot), one Long Island Tea (r0xx0rz. It’s stronger than Margarita), and one Malibu + pineapple (yummy

I was sort of celebrating the semester break with Pinpin and Leon. I even wore a skirt for the first time to a social outing!

I got inspired by a couple of blogs I read recently. A lot of people asked about my statistics. I guess my profile information and my expose wasn’t enough.

 

Some More Temporary Truths about Bodicea (Warning: Almost no sense of humour here):

 

1. I curse/cuss/say profanities/foul languages not because I have no respect for others or because I think it’s fucking cool to be “unfeminine” or be “one of the boys”. Think about it: No fundamental words can be as concise and succinct in expressing your passion or anger than the word “fuck”. Besides, I don’t throw those words around like some caveman. I don’t like people who cuss because they think it’s cool. Especially when that attitude doesn’t suit their personality. I believe in Reason.

2. I am quite superficial. I think everybody is superficial to an extent. But once I see your inner beauty (if any), your outer beauty doesn’t really matter anymore. Then again, for my spouse, it takes quite a lot for me to approve for good.

3. I have a short term memory. Especially when it comes to remembering names. I’m sorry but it’s not like I don’t care about you. I really am most likely to forget your name if we don’t interact often enough.

4. My dream vacation is to just go somewhere exotic and cultural with my love, or loved ones. And have good long conversations getting to know each other with lots of good food and drinks and spa treatments. I don’t give two shits if you find this boring. That would show that we’re not meant to be.

5. I always wanted to travel outside Malaysia more. Especially to Great Britain and Africa.

6. I am not really superstitious. Though, I do get afraid of superstitions sometimes. Like things about ghosts. I listen to advices and taboos about them. I respect culture, you see.

7. I really don’t care about my own appearance most of the time. Especially when I’m by myself. Yes, I can get insecure when I want other people’s approval. After all, I live in a materialistic urban society. I love the clean yet messy and rugged look. It shows that one cares enough to take care of the appearance, but not too much.

8. Sometimes, I like being recognized for my looks. Most of the time, I don’t. I want my personality to shine more and to be remembered better than my looks.

9. Few people say that I look like my dad. Some say that I look like my mum. I don’t like those comments. Not too sure why.

10. 85% of the people other than my family think that I either look foreign or act foreign.

11. I love dressing up when the occasion calls for it. But I dislike make-up. The only make-up I would use are my eyebrow pencil (my parents gave me sparse eyebrows) and eye-liner. Things like facial powder are for situations when I worry of oily skin (although this is quite seldom). I never liked wearing lipstick and I don’t need foundation and all that junk. Sometimes, I feel best wearing slippers and mis-matched pyjamas.

12. Quality = Comfort

13. I’m adventurous to an extent. I like the familiarity of those tried and tested. But I believe in experiments. Who knows, I might find something I really love in the future. If you never try, you will never know.

14. I’m not a big fan of anime but I love Shin Chan and Conan comics. A good sense of humour and mystery always gets me.

15. I have always liked animals. Especially furry ones (Come on, who wouldn’t??? ) But I never really bothered caring for one. I never really had the chance any way.

16. My room is messy yet neat. I can’t stand too much organization (restricts my creative flow, methinks), nor can I stand too much mess (until I can’t find anything). I like this quote from this movie, Yours, Mine and Ours: “Home is for self expression, not first impression.”

17. I love my family. I show it in the most peculiar way. I rebel against them, yet I support them.

18. I don’t fancy using perfume. I believe in au natural. But I’m polite so I use deodorant. My favourite perfume so far is Clinique Happy. (I freeloaded borrowed it from my mum) It makes me and everyone around me who smells it feel happy. Really. If you don’t believe it, you can come and find me to smell it yourself.

19. I easily have crushes but I rarely fall for them. I doubt I have ever been in love before. Sometimes, I am pleased with people asking me if I have a boyfriend or not, and showing disbelief when I tell them I don’t have one. I feel it shows that they think me too desirable to be left alone. Most of the time, I find it annoying. They make me feel as if being single when one is “attractive”, is a crime. They labelled me as “high maintenance” and having “high expectations” when I tell them what I want from my future boyfriend. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable with my expectations actually. (see bottom) Will you be happy deep down if you knew that you settled for second best?

20. I love meeting people from all walks of life. The diversity of the people you meet will decide how interesting your life will be. I know that I’ve made a positive difference in lives of those who personally made the effort to get to know me.

21. I am generally expressive. I love human interactions. But what you know about me, even until the end of my blogs, is only at most 10% of me. I was said to be like Scarlett Johansson in the movie Lost in Translation. I’m shy, deep down. I’m your enigma. When I reveal myself to you, you can feel it. Feel lucky and appreciate it; for it shows that I’m opening up to you. And that doesn’t occur often enough.

22. I prefer quiet drinks to loud parties. I love dancing though. Especially Latin dances.

23. I appreciate solitude. For a few times before things got dangerous, I had skipped school to go to Kinokuniya in KLCC just to read books for the rest of the day. I find shopping or watching movies alone in the cinema refreshingly independent and empowering. I am a sociable loner. Quite contradictory, eh?

24. I cannot “live” without my PC, broadband, and my telephone or mobile phone. Communication is important to me.

25. I was called Yoda (as in wise Master Yoda of Star Wars) before my 18th birthday. Mainly because of the painful and intense experiences I’ve been through so far. Not many people went through similar stuff I went through. But I’m a young Skywalker too. Split personality maybe. Heh.

26. I develop my own morality. I believe in universality. I don’t like conforming to the society. I believe that civilization and society kills some of our human nature. They shape us as they wish.

27. I would never trade my mind for anything else in the universe. Except maybe, the truth of life. When I die, I want my body organs to be donated to the needy. So, no need for burial or cremation. Unless the body structures are unnecessary. As for my brains, when I die, please send them for scientific study. I might haunt around and try to find out why I think the way I do.

28. Never boss me around unless I tell you to. Most of the time, I know what I want and what’s good for myself.

29. I can be very emotional and very rational at different times.

30. I dislike conflicts but I confront them if deemed necessary. I am not opinionated. I am only outspoken. Do differentiate between the both of them before you truthfully judge me.

31. I appreciate punctuality (it shows respect for the waiting party) even though I can be late lots of times. I tend to do things that are not urgent at the moment

32. I think I’m different, in the sense that I’m practically the most peculiar person in my world. I am looking for someone similar yet not too similar to me. I want to preserve my uniqueness.

33. Deep down, even though I may somewhat care about what other people think of me, I care most about my personal judgments about myself. I especially don’t give two shits about opinions of those whom I don’t care for.

34. I only care about others when I want peace. I love peace anyway. I can be an excellent listener too, if you would allow me. You can call me selfish and self-absorbed. But think about it: Whose opinion matters to YOU the most? Yours or others’?

35. I am not vain or arrogant in general. I am just proud of my achievements. I have self-confidence. I brag only when the situation is suitable for me to do so. Is that a crime?

36. I’ve switched schools once. One was a very laidback chilling school and the other was a very pretentious school; a poor Malaysian version of the typical American high school you see in the movies. I hated the latter. I got backstabbed for very shallow reasons. But my 7 months of experience in there was invaluable.

37. I strongly dislike those who take me for granted. If I lavish you with loyalty and care, like you ask for, I don’t see why I shouldn’t receive the same thing.

38. Aged 7, I cried when I was first made to go to school. I didn’t dare to join my car pool.

39. I first started camping when I was 7. My dad made me join YMCA then. My first camp was in Kuala Selangor (my alco memory tells me it’s Alang Sedayu. Hmmm.). 3 days and 2 nights. Alone among strangers. Ever since then, I loved camping outside. In unfamiliar grounds with unfamiliar people. I joined outdoor camps every year since then. Love the outdoors to an extent. Though I prefer ready-made facilities when I need them. I never camped with a friend. The longest period I was away from home so far was 14 days. I was never homesick.

40. My favourite songs mainly focused on the lyrics and beats. Favourite love song is Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers. Favourite sad song is The Blower’s Daughter by Damien Rice. Favourite inspiration song is Affirmation by Savage Garden. Favourite jump start song is What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes. Favourite power song is Madonna’s Like It Or Not. Favourite happy song is Move Your Feet by Junior Senior. Favourite sensual song is Uninvited by Alanis Morissette. Favourite dance song is Ciara’s 1, 2 Step. Favourite moody song is Rev 22:20 by Pucifer (You can find it in my profile if I haven’t changed it yet). But…mainly, I love jazz. I think its the most sensual genre of music. I admire Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Ray Charles, and Norah Jones. I’m a fan of world, classical, and alternative music. I don’t follow the trend. I don’t really care about the names of the songs or albums or singers, unless I’m trying to search for the music to download. Then again, I mostly search by Googling lyric excerpts to find the name of the song and etc. All I care about is how good the music sound to my ears.

41. I love movies of romance, drama, suspense, mystery, philosophy, action, and thriller. I don’t like horror movies. Period. Why would I want to pay MYR10 (or MYR 5 for pirated VCDs) just to scare the hell out of myself?

42. I love watching documentaries. Especially on culture and wildlife. They allow me to learn about life more than the small society I know today.

43. Since I read Doraemon when I was 9, I always had this belief that my future self will somehow come back through time and tell me what I really need to know about my future. Nothing happened yet (prolly this means nothing bad happened yet?), but I’m still waiting!

44. I get inspirations from people, movies, books, songs, and my observation of the small little things in life.

45. I don’t read as much as I should. My short attention span prevents me from paying attention to a book for long. Most of my knowledge is not from books. They are from my experience. Experience is the best teacher.

46. I’m working on a short story right now. My last count was 6,089 words and still counting. Might turn it into a novella or a novel. I would need a lot of support. If I ever ask you to peer edit, it means that I look up to you in some ways and that would be rare. Not because I am being condescending but because it really takes quite a lot of admiration from my part to value your opinion. No intentional offense.

47. I credit the origin of my sense of humour and creativity to my progressive nature, innovation, and experience. You’ll learn what works best as you grow up. I guess my success is due to my open-mindedness and thick skin for criticism.

48. I was first inspired to blog after reading Michael Ooi’s Heavenly’s Blog. This was a less than a year ago.

49. I love the vintage style of decoration. This goes from apparel to home decoration. I am interested in African, Bohemian, Northern Oriental, Indian, and Egyptian designs. I easily fall in love with anything exotic and sensual in taste. But I never follow any style rigidly. I like mixing designs funkily. For example, goth, vintage, plus punk. My blog profile would be a good (but incomplete) example of what I like. From the colour scheme to the type of fonts. I think T.G.I. Friday’s has an abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous layout.

50. I don’t really discriminate against types of colours. I believe that any colours can look great with the right combination. But I personally don’t like super blinding colours like neon green.

51. I have issues against overweight-looking people. Some of them have so much problems with their self-esteem that they would even try to drag you down with them. Especially with me because I’m slim. Skinny. Whatever. The bottom line is that I’m thin and a few dress sizes slender than them. I don’t work out regularly, even though I wish I did have the habit. I really have high metabolism rate. Nearing the end of 2005, my house was being renovated. The weighing scale was fucked up. I never checked my weight ever since. Then I gained 2 kg after 6 months. I didn’t know to be happy or not but all I knew was that I looked practically the same as before. Now I lost 1 kg. This was even before my capoeira classes. So can you blame me for my natural abilities?

52. I had done a bit of ballet (when I was 7 or and Taekwon-do (I quit when I was 13 because the club was beyond horrible). I used to love in-line skating when I was a kid. I lost my in-line skates so I’m just waiting to get a new pair. Now I do occasional ice-skating with friends, dance, and run or jog when I’m in the mood or when I’m training for jogathons and competitions. My new passion is capoeira. It’s nicknamed the “dancing martial arts” and “Brazillian break dance”. I really want to take up Latin dance classes one day. I’m just waiting for a suitable partner now.

53. My father is my hero. Though, sometimes I think he is an insensitive and egoistic person.

54. I’m the eldest child. I feel the burden and expectations. Because of that, I feel responsible over my course of actions. It’s not easy, I tell you. Because you need to please both your younger siblings and your parents. Priorities are at stake here. But I love my status too, because I learnt to be independent. Throw me anywhere in the world and I’m pretty sure that I can find my way home. I’ve been used to alien situations since my camping experiences.

55. I believe that magazines that talk about relationships and love promote low self-esteem. Even more so when I realized that all the theories used in their Aunt Agony pages are like rip offs from my Interpersonal Communication textbook. I am going to donate almost all my Cleo, Female, Cosmo Girl, and Womans Weekly magazines to charity.

56. Pasta r0xx0rs. Aglio Olio. Real pizza from Italian restaurants (nothing like the Pizza Hut and Dominos junk). Chinese food own3s. I love junk food too. I love black chocolate and quality ice-cream. I really dislike the cream in Oreo cookies.

57. I like alcohol. Especially cocktails. But that doesn’t mean that I’m an alcoholic. I am not dependant on alcohol at all. I don’t have to have it. I just like it when it occasion calls for it. Therefore, I’m only a social drinker. I also don’t think it’s morally sinful to drink alcohol as long as you know your limits and you stick to it. I think practically everyone in the world are alcohol consumers. After all, don’t the general injection procedures require you to apply alcohol on your skin? Your skin would absorb the alcohol and indirectly, you consume alcohol. Anyway, I don’t think drunk alco drinkers can cause harm if they have good reliable and sensible friends around them when they drink. Be responsible for your own actions.

58. I tried smoking once. Didn’t like the taste. I have never and won’t ever condemn smokers. Let’s say that smokers work for the money they use to buy cigarettes. And they have the courtesy to prevent people from being direct second-hand smokers. Why would they be morally sinful if they don’t harm anyone else? It’s their lungs; their business. If they die horribly, let them be. My motto towards smokers: As long as I don’t smell the nicotine, you’re fine and dandy.

59. I am a freethinker. An apathetic agnostic. A bit of a deist. A realist. A heretic. I used to be an atheist, a Buddhist, and now an agnostic. I’m apathetic about the issue of God. I believe that we’re only a tiny part of a bigger design but I focus on my own conduct of life. I think humans are responsible for their actions but not what they are born with. After all, like what Confucius said: Why bother about Heaven when you can’t even handle Earth? I don’t care if I die tomorrow. Death is only a natural course of life. But of course, I would like to first accomplish all my desires and passions before I die, so that I can feel self-fulfilled and self-actualized.

60. A few years ago, I have realized that I want to make a significant difference in humanity. I want to reach out to people, no matter what. Winning the Nobel Prize would be a dream.

61. I have been lucky in my entire life. I just didn’t know how to properly handle and appreciate what I had.

62. I was never homophobic. I was never really racist or sexist too. But the rest of my family members are different. They have higher prejudice and discrimination than I do towards people who are “different” from us. Same goes for my relatives. Except for one of my aunt who is a lesbian (that’s I’ve been told). I don’t know why but I’m just goddam open-minded. Even more so when I was a lesbian for 36 hours back when I was 15. It was then when I truly realized that the only difference between homosexuals and heterosexuals are their preferred sexual orientation. And like the attraction of a male to a female and vice versa, homosexuals and bisexuals can’t choose who they would like to fancy too. (Will blog more about this later)

63. I think Michael Jackson had one of the worst plastic surgeons ever. I think he is crazy for dangling his kids over the balcony. I think he’s weird but not necessarily guilty from those accusations. Same goes for Anwar. We don’t really know what truly happened behind the scenes after all. The government likes covering things up and the media likes blowing things up.

64. I wish that the crimes in Malaysia and in the world would just end soon. I’m sick of being restricted because of something I have no control over.

65. I sleep too late for my own good.

66. The best classes from educational institutions I ever had in my entire 17 years of life so far (I don’t count in the first two years of my life because humans don’t start remembering until they are 1 to 2 years old) are Philosophy 101, World Religion 105, Sociology 101, Interpersonal Communications 105, and Psychology 201. These are very human-related subjects.

67. I think people shouldn’t discriminate anymore. Especially among ages. Age doesn’t decide who is mature anymore. Age doesn’t decide a teacher. I feel that teachers are the most important people in the human society. They are the ones who impart knowledge to the students. But who are the teachers? I think anyone can be a teacher, as long as someone else learns from that person. Even a baby can be a teacher if you learn from the baby’s innocence.

- End for now with lots of et ceteras.

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The most popular question when it comes to my boyfriend-less state. Hehe. “Who am I looking for?“

Main/General Guy Qualities Wish List:

1. Open-minded
2. Intellectual
3. Reasonably good-looking or better + good sense of fashion (knows when and how to dress up)
   
4. Witty/Excellent sense of humour
5. Unpretentious
6. Empathic/Understanding sensitive
   
7. Knowledgeable
8. Predictably interesting/peculiar (not unpredictably boring, thank you)
   
9. Willing to commit

If you find this a long and impossible list, you should have known me months back. In fact, I’ve cut it down and revised it already…to make it more realistic

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I know what I’m typing about. If you find these odd or incomprehensible in anyway, feel free to cari pasal with me. You know where to find me.