(Disclaimer: This is just a final closure for my disgruntle.)

The main cause for failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want at the moment.

- Annonymous

I really identify with that quote today. I had traded my need for a real relationship with my want for a few good make-out sessions.

I fucking hate myself at the moment.

Really now, folks, please don’t follow me. If you want a real relationship, don’t ever give in to anyone who just wants to “go with the flow” but never seems to give you the constant reassurance that says yes, this is not just a typical fling and you’re not as easy as he/she is making you seem to be. You’re really “different” from the rest of the people in his/her reality after all.

.I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Why do I feel that you practically treat me like everyone else if I’m really “something else” from your usual “somethings”?

Fuck beauty, fuck humour, fuck intellect, fuck originality, and most of all, fuck loyalty. If I were to be such an “ideal girlfriend material”, why did you so casually let me get away? Why did you resist my help to overcome your phobia? Why no fucking compromise?

Fuck your excuse. Everyone knows that “taking a break” is a form of running away from a problem. Everyone knows that all relationships have risks of failing. Nothing is permanent. It’s how you handle the risks that matters most. Fuck your failure to realize and apply that truth.

I’m sick of caring. Sick of investing. I didn’t want you to be one of the “wrong guys”.

Fuck my mistakes. Fuck my phobia of fat guys and good-lookers.