Some of my bizarre Viets*:

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1. Viet1 said he loved me and asked my then-boyfriend (an asshole, by the way) if he could go out with me or not. He was rejected, yet he still loved me. After a year, I shaved my head bald (went to a Buddhist novitiate programme). He still liked me for the next year.

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2. Viet2 knew me when I was bald. I was at my crappiest then. I mocked his skateboarder of an idol. I never told him my name. He still researched for my name.

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3. Viet3 knew me for three years. Friends used “…”, “o.O“, “barf”, etc, to express how attractive they found him. He has nothing in common with me. He tried to impress me with his non-existent fabricated tall tales of sexual escapades with women twice his age. Not to mention the supposed attraction of F1 chicks to him. I shot him down with my Para gun and told him to get a life. He still is obsessed with me. He also wrote an erotic (to him, I suppose) perverted story about me. He told me that I made a great impact on his life, which I suppose mainly consisted of random conversations of The Sims cheats and strategy guide over the span of six months.

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4. Viet4 was anonymous. He knew where I live. On different occassions, he compiled two CDs worth of songs for me and personally sent them to my postbox by hand. I still do not know who he was.

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5. Viet5 liked me for more than 4 years before confessing. I told him I was committed to another guy. He didn’t care. He still flirted with me behind his girlfriend’s back. I told him that I was depression-prone. He told me that he wanted me to be his soulmate.

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6. Viet6 once gave me the impression that I was the last resort for his prom. He told me that he needed a partner for the prom. His “former partner” backed out last minute. Later on, I was bribed by the “free” ticket he offered. Creative excuse indeed.

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7. Viet7 took less than 48 hours to fall in love with me. I told him that I play the field. He told me that he will not give up on me.

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8. Viet 8 was a black South African. He told me how much he would like to marry a white lady. After an hour of online chatting, he told me that he loved me. I am a fucking Asian, thank you. He kept IMing me for 2 weeks straight before I decided to send his contact information to a gay porn website.

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9. Viet 9 and I met offline after four years of online chat. He seemed obsessed with me a week after that fateful meeting. He left me 35 miss calls within 3 hours in the wee hours of the morning, and then interrogated me about my reluctance to pick up my mobile talk to him.

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10. Viet10 asked for my number while his twin sold me a candle for charity. The main questions Viet10 asked about during our stimulating conversations were: How is my family? How is my maid? How is my TV? How is my keyboard? How is my pillow? etc etc. Oh, and he once called me at three fucking AM in the morning and was actually surprised that I yawned into the phone. We had only met twice before he left for Sabah two weeks after we met.

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11. Viet11 saw me as the one who got away. I had feelings for him until he told me that he didn’t know who to choose between me and my then-enemy. He went for her after I backed off. Three months later, he broke up with her and gave me a 56k gold-plated heart-shaped swan ornament. I told him to bugger off.

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12. Viet12 fancied me at first sight. I was pretty impressed after seeing him jump one floor off a four-storey building. I didn’t fancy him then because I was absent-minded with my almost-non-existent love life.

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13. Viet13 used to ogle at me and bug me for Chinese lessons (I had tuition for Chinese then). He once called me in the middle of the night just to get me to call him back. When I disagreed to do so, he asked me if I would accept him as my boyfriend or not. I pointed out that he was younger than my then-15-year-old brother.

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14. Viet14 sent me a Valentine rose with a message telling me that he was “for real” when I knew that he fucked around with any hot girls he liked. Once, he did star jumps for 20 seconds while yelling “Hi!!” like a crack head on sugar high to gain my attention. That cost his team a score.

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(Edited; 6th July, 2006)

15. Viet15

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(Edited; 15th July, 2006)

16. Viet16 was interesting. The first occasion I interacted with him resulted with him mentioning to his friend: “I think I’m falling in love with this girl.” I thought it was a joke until he appeared during my next martial arts class out of thin air. He told me that he had came to see me and that he could not stop thinking about me. When we shook hands afterwards, he grasped my hand to the point of conveying a message of orgasmic pleasure. I had to pretend that I was some clueless thick-head. When I asked a friend about her first time in a public street performance, he broke away from his intense stare at me and asked “What first time?” with renewed interest. The entire group teased him.

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17. Viet17’s usual excuses for a date with me were my alco fix and that he didn’t have anyone to cook him dinner or dine with. One day, I was obliged to kiss him. He gave me the impression that he had never tasted a kisser as great as me before. Since then, my body language screamed that I didn’t want to be alone with him anymore. Nevertheless, once, he asked me to lie to my parents so that we could go out together. He thought that I gave him mixed signals and even presumed that “Tipsy on your birthday” was about him (perhaps because he was leaving abroad) even though it wasn’t his birthday. His ego almost qualified him for Bodoland.

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18. Viet18 was a founder and a singer of a rather famous Malaysian rock band. Born in 1971. Married with 2 kids. Wanted to meet my parents. If I were to elaborate any further, I might as well join Hollywood. Enough said.

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(Edited; 20th Sept, 2006)

19. Viet19 was addicted to my blog after first read. He then indulged in 27 email conversations (13 on the first day itself and he writes longer emails than mine) revealing his life story and tried to get me to follow suit. After failing to get me to reveal stuff that I don’t “share with the world” (because “it doesn’t feel special anymore” otherwise) and getting sick of me just “commenting on what has been said” and “speaking in riddles about myself and the life that is bodicea”, he decided that a sex change might help.

He became a “female” from “NZ” for a couple of months, added me on MSN, and preyed on the female’s common trust in the same sex. After deeply indulging “her”self in my love saga, “she” couldn’t take my emoness anymore and decided to reveal “her”self as the ass guy that “she” was (though allowing me to continue assume that the “he” who played “she” was not Viet19 in the first place).

His excuse for this act: So that I would not think that our online interaction would lead towards “beyond friendship”.

Under the very same pseudonym he used while he was a “female”, Viet19 proceeded with his flirtation, occassionally attempted to play hard to get. He eventually attended Mousetrap (at this point, Viet19 emailed me to say that he’d be attending the play whereas his pseudonym claimed he might/might not, depending on his motivation which was me), which only doubled his urge to get closer to me. Because he couldn’t stand his own anonymity any longer, Viet19 revealed his true self.

His excuses: “too much free time. and u know, the whole i-thought-i’d-stay-anonymous thing seemed a good idea”, “we all think we’ve got reputations to protect. that’s the honest truth.”, and “picking girls up thru blogs is usually not me. it’s silly, i know, but it’s the truth.”

Whatever the fuck he meant.

As much as I appreciate his interest in my love life, I don’t treat a play of trust kindly. Viet19 seemed so fucked up that his parents probably weren’t his own. I hope his ego got better after these acts.

Someone went to the extent of using 2 pseudonyms and 2 email addresses to stalk me. I’m kinda flattered.

Oh, and I’ve recently found out that he was a featured contributor in theCICAK. I suppose IQ isn’t everything.

On the 31st of Dec, 2006, he returned. This time around he really wished he didn’t open Pandora’s Box. I heard he sought therapy thereafter.

Two years later, he apologized for the last time. I forgave him.

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(Edited; 3rd Dec 2006: Forgot about these folks. I suppose you can see the reason why.)

20. More than 3 years ago back in high school, a relatively prominent social outcast Viet20 made me realize the true worth of my beauty when he made frequent phone calls to “hear my voice which is as sweet as the birds” (or something as bizarre).

Sure, he mentioned that I physically changed a lot. Didn’t exactly help that he reminded me of a then-recent question if I’ve undergone plastic surgery (because I started wearing contact lenses, outgrew my hair, and wore something different to school–which happened to be our rape-inducing baju kurung).

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21. Viet21 kept calling me up after I broke up with my last official boyfriend (and they were actually good friends, hypocritically. Meh. So much like most girls I know.). A bit like Viet3 in terms of being an exhibitionist, only that he kept asking me how his fury-inducing voice sounded like. He wanted to be a Malaysian Idol finalist. Badly.

Despite me giving him a realistic rating of no more than 5, one day, he asked me how I felt about mutual chemistry.

I can be too nice for my own good.

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…might continue when the mood does continue or when there are more clueless and bizarre Viets to publicize…

*Viets: Derived from the word “vie”.